I'm getting married.
I remember you said this bittersweet time will come, where we would both settle, have kids. Not together. Indeed. Back then, I didn't believe you. I could not consider loving someone as much as I loved you.
More than 10 years have gone by. I've lived a dozen lives, not equally glorious. But all the choices I've made, even the poor ones, all the people I met, especially the poor ones, brought me here. And now, I've the luxury to say, I'm more than happy.
Still, I still think about you. I always will. Not all the time. But sometimes. When I hear a familiar song, when I travel near your town, or when I meet someone named like you. You were the first to awake the strongest vibrant feeling on earth in me. I remember exactly what it felt, to be that hopelessly-in-love-girl, your girl. I felt so alive for the first time. All those hours of train running to see you, sex, music, metaphysics, heartbeats... The connection we had was very unique. And It was hard to give up on it. So I'm sorry. I'm sorry if it made me say miserable things, especially about this time I said she was a cow. I will always be ashamed I was not able to give you the best of me at any time. I'm sorry I couldn't let you go.
I write to you one more time, to say thank you. The choice you made and this beautiful girl you met, also brought me here, and also made me who i've become. I was mad all those years because I was not able to find what you found 10 years ago, the love your life. Now I did. And all the pain, all the anger and regrets are gone. I'm finally able to look back to our relationship and see it was a just a beautiful, strong and sincere, first love.
This pain I felt was as big as my love for you, and it's a good thing too, because it means it was real. I've been really lost all those years because I felt empty of that kind of love you've given to me. And you know me now... Love is driving me. Thank you once again. You were a brilliant first love, setting a very high level of expectation in love that made me wait for that incredible husband I have now.
I cherish every memory of you. Goodbye zer0beat.